funky presbyterian goes to church circa 1977

Apt

Right here at the last little stubby end of 2008 I've stumbled upon the lyric that seems custom written to summarize our 2008. It's not much in the way of poetry, but there's gotta be something said for aptness.  

It's first line on the first track of the most recent Ryan Adams & the Cardinals album, Cardinology. The song is Born into a Light:

For everything that's wrong there is a worried man,
There is a reason why
We just don't understand but will, you gotta keep the faith
be patient oh the past is just a memory and heal.
Heal your vines, you'll heal inside eventually

We were born into a light.

listen here.

The Award for Most Pleasure Inducing Album Recorded by Someone Else and Listened to By Me in 2008 Goes To

Midnight Organ Flight, by Frightened Rabbit

The Award for Best Fiction Book Read by Me in 2008 Goes To...

The Road, by Cormac McCarthy

The Award For Best Non-Fiction Book Read by Me in 2008 Goes To...

The Reason for God, by Tim Keller

whole heartedly recommended for your Christmas listening needs

low- christmas
rosie thomas- a very rosie christmas

unadulterated cheer and goodwill never make for satisfying christmas carols. advent always requires those undertones of melancholy, longing, and humble restraint. these two albums deliver the goods. put one in your stocking this year.

Vintage Funky Presbyterian on a Television Antenna

Science Community Narrowly Avoids Apostacy

The title of this post links to an article in discover magazine. It's a scientific magazine, not a religious magazine. What seems odd to me is that the scientific establishment will go to such great lengths to protect their belief that there is no intelligent creator of the universe, even though they admit such a conclusion is not based on scientific method. They are willing to postulate the equally unscientifically verifiable solution of infinite universes in order to avoid saying what the data seems to suggest: the universe was intelligently and intentionally designed to accommodate us, that life is not random or peripheral, but central to the purpose of the universe. 

Now, I don't have any problem with people postulating theories which are not scientifically verifiable. What I do find curious is the scientific community's insistence that they are not religious and that their beliefs about the world are developed from empirical evidence and scientific methodology. Clearly at this point their methods cannot sustain the beliefs to which they have committed themselves a priori.  And yet they hold them regardless.  In one sense, I'm completely ok with that.  There is no other way to hold beliefs about the world!   I just wish they'd write a follow up article admitting that they too are religious and have an orthodoxy to which they hold and which exists independent of, and prior to the criteria by which they judge the evidence.  But they can't because in the modernist, scientific religion, doing so would amount to apostacy.  

I guess what I'm saying is  I am suspicious of their metanarrative.  Call me a religious skeptic.  

Call it a fluke, a mystery, a miracle. Or call it the biggest problem in physics. Short of invoking a benevolent creator, many physicists see only one possible explanation: Our universe may be but one of perhaps infinitely many universes in an inconceivably vast multi verse. Most of those universes are barren, but some, like ours, have conditions suitable for life.

The idea is controversial. Critics say it doesn’t even qualify as a scientific theory because the existence of other universes cannot be proved or disproved. Advocates argue that, like it or not, the multiverse may well be the only viable non religious explanation for what is often called the “fine-tuning problem”—the baffling observation that the laws of the universe seem custom-tailored to favor the emergence of life.

Physical laws clamor for life: the universe knew we were coming.

“For me the reality of many universes is a logical possibility,” Linde says. “You might say, ‘Maybe this is some mysterious coincidence. Maybe God created the universe for our benefit.’ Well, I don’t know about God, but the universe itself might reproduce itself eternally in all its possible manifestations.”

nobody panic.

RUSSIAN ANALYST PREDICTS DECLINE AND BREAKUP OF USA
Tue Nov 25 2008 09:04:22 ET

A leading Russian political analyst has said the economic turmoil in the United States has confirmed his long-held view that the country is heading for collapse, and will divide into separate parts.

Professor Igor Panarin said in an interview with the respected daily IZVESTIA published on Monday: "The dollar is not secured by anything. The country's foreign debt has grown like an avalanche, even though in the early 1980s there was no debt. By 1998, when I first made my prediction, it had exceeded $2 trillion. Now it is more than 11 trillion. This is a pyramid that can only collapse."

The paper said Panarin's dire predictions for the U.S. economy, initially made at an international conference in Australia 10 years ago at a time when the economy appeared strong, have been given more credence by this year's events.

When asked when the U.S. economy would collapse, Panarin said: "It is already collapsing. Due to the financial crisis, three of the largest and oldest five banks on Wall Street have already ceased to exist, and two are barely surviving. Their losses are the biggest in history. Now what we will see is a change in the regulatory system on a global financial scale: America will no longer be the world's financial regulator."

When asked who would replace the U.S. in regulating world markets, he said: "Two countries could assume this role: China, with its vast reserves, and Russia, which could play the role of a regulator in Eurasia."

Asked why he expected the U.S. to break up into separate parts, he said: "A whole range of reasons. Firstly, the financial problems in the U.S. will get worse. Millions of citizens there have lost their savings. Prices and unemployment are on the rise. General Motors and Ford are on the verge of collapse, and this means that whole cities will be left without work. Governors are already insistently demanding money from the federal center. Dissatisfaction is growing, and at the moment it is only being held back by the elections and the hope that Obama can work miracles. But by spring, it will be clear that there are no miracles."

He also cited the "vulnerable political setup", "lack of unified national laws", and "divisions among the elite, which have become clear in these crisis conditions."

He predicted that the U.S. will break up into six parts - the Pacific coast, with its growing Chinese population; the South, with its Hispanics; Texas, where independence movements are on the rise; the Atlantic coast, with its distinct and separate mentality; five of the poorer central states with their large Native American populations; and the northern states, where the influence from Canada is strong.

He even suggested that "we could claim Alaska - it was only granted on lease, after all." Panarin, 60, is a professor at the Diplomatic Academy of the Russian Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and has authored several books on information warfare.

The Latest Sign of the Apocalypse

This from the New York Post-

Asked about his perspective on social issues—gay marriage, abortion—Prince tapped his Bible and said, “God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough.’ ”

I guess I don't know what to say. Except this: I can't wait for the new Prince & the Revolution Study Bible from Zondervan.

back to basics...

It's been a time of getting back to basics for me lately. I'm rediscovering the beauty of the Bible. Not that I ever stopped reading it, but one can read the Bible in different ways and to discover different things. Recently I've really enjoyed the simple beauty of passages like the 23rd psalm and the gospel of Mark. Both very different works, by the way. But similar in their simple, and profound beauty. For instance I've spent a lot of time considering the ways in which my Shepherd "makes me lie down in green pastures" and what that means for me on a day to day or moment by moment basis. And I've though a lot about the theme of rest in the book or Mark and how Jesus is continually in need of rest, but wherever he goes, people find him and his apostles disturb him and he can't even get through a meal or a prayer or a nap without interruption from people in need. And he always meets the need, without bitterness or self pity. And then I've been thinking a lot about the fact that I'm not Jesus. But I am his sheep. And the sheep can rest precisely because their shepherd does not. The implications spin out in a million directions.

In addition to the Bible, I've been rediscovering Bob Dylan's catalogue. I recently picked up The Bootleg Series Volume 8 as well as Bringing it All Back Home and Planet Waves. And I have come to a conclusion. I don't need to listen to any music other Bob Dylan. Nobody does, really. From now on, it's Bob and only Bob for me. It's like the atkins diet for my ears.

Here are a few songs for you that capture the tenor of our lives for the past few months. Why is it that listening to sad songs makes a guy feel better? Click the little blue triangle to listen to song segments, and for petesake- get your hands on some Dylan albums this year.

http://www.bobdylan.com/#/node/140
http://www.bobdylan.com/#/node/855
http://www.bobdylan.com/#/node/90
http://www.bobdylan.com/#/node/195

How to Tell If You're Raising PKs.

Occasionally I reminded that the children we are raising are not um... normal. They are pks. Pastor's kids. The following questionairre formed from real-life Blosser family experiences may help you identify if you too are raising PKs.


1. Your four year old recieves an expensive gift in the mail from a family friend. What is the occasion?
A. a birthday
B. Christmas
C. Reformation Day

2. Your firstborn is just a year old and notices snow falling for the very first time. What does he exclaim?
A. snow!
B. pretty!
C. manna!

3. When arriving at an outdoor party wherein many people are gathered beneath a large colorful tent, your two year old says which of the following sentences?
A. Oh look! A tent!
B. Oh look! A circus!
C. Oh look! A Tabernacle!


(if you answered "c" to any or all of the above there is reason to be concerned).

just like old times

Last night I saw Bill Mallonee play at a little bar around the corner from my house.  I sat there with my friend Jeff and it occurred to us that we'd been following Mallonee's career for about 18 years.  That's a long time.  We felt old.  

ESV study bible

I know study Bibles.  I've got study Bibles.  I use to sell study Bibles, when I worked at a bookstore in St Louis where I got an employee discount.  Which I used to buy more study Bibles. I've got the Literary Study Bible, the Serendipity Study Bible for Personal and Small Group Study, the NIV study Bible, the Nelson Study Bible, the New Geneva Study Bible, the Spirit of the Reformation Study Bible, the Thematic Study Bible, the Thompson Chain Study Bible, and somewhere around here I have my old Student Study Bible from highschool.   After a while it began to take a bit more to impress me in the way of study bibles.  I guess study bibles are like most things in life.  There are always several ways to do it well, but a million ways to do it poorly!  I still love my old Thompson Chain.  I've gotten great use out of the Thematic Study bible and the Spirit of the Reformation's cross referencing of historical protestant confessions has saved me hours of work.  The NIV study Bible has been for  quite a while your best bet for an all around resource.   But with the release of the ESV study Bible it looks like the NIV Study Bible is about to be eclipsed.  The video below is a cheesy little promotional thing, but I must say I'm impressed.  Check it out.  

Rashad Evans defeats Chuck Lidell

I thought this doctored photo was hilarious.  I've posted it along with the original for your enjoyment.  (The original is the one on bottom, in case you couldn't tell).  

psalm 147:10-11

His delight is not in the strength of the horse

nor his pleasure in the legs of a man,

but Yahweh takes pleasure in those who fear him,

in those who hope in his steadfast love.

A Vote Against Cynicism.

Alright, here's my dilemma:

I am cynical when it comes to politics and politicians.  And as we all know, there is nothing more hip, more cool, more (dare I say it?) "funky" than cynicism.  Heck, without cynicism one can scarcely maintain one's indie cred.  So far so good...

But alas!  As the title of the blog indicates, I am a Presbyterian.  Which is a roundabout way of signifying that I am (among other descriptors) a Christian.  And as it turns out, cynicism is completely and utterly incompatible with Christianity.  Jesus was no cynic.  And so I probably shouldn't be either.  

You see the problem, yes?

So in an effort to combat said cynicism I have endeavored to post about the two major presidential tickets in a completely sincere and non-cynical manner.  I am determined to write only positive and honest reflections about each candidate.  (for those of you trying to read between the lines, I did presidential candidates first, vp's second and alphabetically by last name respectively).

As a pastor it is very important to me to keep my ballot secret, or at the very least to purposefully refrain from offering any hints as to my preference of candidates in any public manner.  The reason is because a Christian pastor is to call people to Jesus, not to any human being or political party.  Of course there are political issues which are important to me!  And many of those issues are based on what I believe to be Christian principles derived from the life of Jesus and the Scriptures.  And of course there is a time and a place for a pastor to address social (even political) issues when the Bible speaks to them.  But my blog is not the time or the place.  Frankly, I care much more that you resist the allure of cynicism than I care who you vote for this November.  Our next president will be gone in four years.  Eight, max.  Cynicism is much more difficult to depose.  So vote often.

John McCain

John McCain was a horrible student.  He finished 894th out of 899 in his graduating class at the Naval Academy.  Of course given the trajectory of McCain's life, his political career, the universal respect of his peers and his undeniably courageous record as a prisoner during the Viet Nam war, the fact that he finished fifth from the bottom is more of an indictment of our culture's faith in grade point averages and class rankings as reliable indicators of one's potential success or usefulness to society.  

John McCain's experience as a prisoner of war is generally known.  Some have accused him of playing up the story for political gain.  I can't say wether he has done this or not.  But should he be elected to the presidency, his five year imprisonment gives me confidence that he would serve his country with integrity.  The fact that McCain was offered release and declined it so as not to demoralize his fellow prisoners and disobey the Code of Conduct, speaks volumes to me about the man's fortitude and character, even if it says nothing about his political skills and policies.  What could McCain be bribed with that he has not already denied for the sake of honor & duty?  What could McCain be threatened with that he has not already endured for his country?  

I'm not saying that character and integrity are reasons enough to elect a president.  One could certainly have character and yet be incompetent.  A president could have integrity and yet exercise it in favor of policies that are unwise.  But character and integrity aren't bad places to start, either.  Plus the dude must be tough as nails.  As it turns out, character, integrity, and fortitude don't really show up well on the academic transcript.   

Click the link to read about McCain's imprisonment in his own words.  

Barak Obama

Way back when Barak Obama was just another name on the list of democratic candidates who would inevitably lose out to Hillary Clinton in her waltz to the nomination and the White House, I was speaking to some family members and told them in no uncertain terms that I believed Obama would be president of the United States.  Maybe not in 2008.  Maybe not in 2012.  But eventually, I assured them, he would be president of the United States.  

Barak Obama is important.  Before you christen me Captian Obvious, let me say that the reasons I have in mind are in addition to those routinely cited.  Of course it's important that he's the first african-american to receive a major party's nomination.  The import of that little fact can scarcely be overstated.  But in my opinion, and just as important in the long run, is that Obama is the first post-something-or-other candidate.  He's not an "either/or" candidate.  He's a "both/and" candidate.  He is the first presidential candidate who understands the nation's emerging generations and cultures well enough to communicate sincerely in their own categories without the condescension which previously has been so transparent to me in other candidates.  (Remember Clinton's saxaphone performance on the Arsenio Hall Show? How about John Kerry's windsurfing photo?)  When it comes to his apprehension of the mindset and worldview of most of the men and women of my generation and younger, Obama gets it.  

The reason Barak Obama is important is because he is what our nation is rapidly becoming.  He is progressive.  He is multi-racial.  He is urban.  His background includes a faith other than Christianity.  His thinking is more global/local than nationally oriented.  He is environmentally concerned.  He has a charisma which transcends party affiliation in a time when my generation is suspicious of party alignment in general.  Just recall the enthusiasm he was greeted with in his recent trip to Europe.  It's this simple:  Europe is basically 40 years ahead of us philosophically and culturally.  Where they are now, the US will soon be (for better or for worse).  Europe is our future.  And the future loves Barak Obama.  Some of the aspects of Obama's candidacy which are most unique today will tomorrow be the expected norm for American politicians of virtually every stripe.  And then explaining the significance of Barak Obama to our grandkids will be like trying to explain to your nephew why Jimi Hendrix is important even though though now all the metal bands' guitarists sound like hendrix.  That's just the point...  When Hendrix played, only Hendrix sounded like Hendrix.  And now everybody plays to sound like Hendrix!   

I might still turn out to be wrong.  Maybe Obama will never be our president.  Maybe time will reveal him to be all words and little substance.  Heck, I don't know.  But I do know that when I first read the ideas of Barak Obama (and this was before I heard him speak) I knew instantly that this guy was saying things differently.  I knew he was a game-changer.  I often wonder what it would have been like to have heard Hendrix before having become acquainted with the myriad of rock bands who were so heavily influenced by him.  I wonder if I would have known that the guy was about to transcend the art... 

Even if you don't like Hendrix, you've got to appreciate his importance in the pantheon of rock and roll guitar gods.  He changed everything.  That's why Barak Obama is important.  Or eventually will be.  

Joe Biden

Way back when the democratic primary was raging on and on, back before the field was narrowed down to Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama, I went out of my way to watch a couple of the primary debates.  During the debates I was able to make observations and formulate opinions to inform my participation in our system of democracy, the recounting of which I will spare the reader as it falls outside of my current purpose in writing.  All but one.  I like Joe Biden.  

I learned this while watching these debates.  Everyone else seemed so uptight, or calculated, or desperate to mark themselves out as a viable alternative to Hillary or Barak.  But not Joe Biden.  he seemed utterly relaxed in the midst of the verbal warfare.  More than relaxed, actually.  He seemed to be having FUN!  He was clearly enjoying it!  While others were trying so hard to sound presidential, Biden would occasionally drop some one liner or make some statement so sincere and genuinely oblivious to propriety and appearances, that it brought a momentary parting of the clouds of bullshit and a single radiant beam of common sense would shine down and light upon his podium.  A few years back the republican candidate Pat Buchanan had a similar pathos in his debate appearances.   I think the key is that guys like Biden and Buchanan never really anticipate getting their party's nomination so they are left free to speak as they wish during their candidacies.  This is probably true to some degree of guys like Dennis Cucinich and Ron Paul as well.  But there's one huge difference.  Cucinich and Paul have no sense of humor.  

Biden may very well prove to be a competent vice president.  Who knows?  But I am confident that he would bring a refreshing candor to the office, that's for sure.  Click the title of this post to watch a clip from the debates that illustrates my point.

Sarah Palin

For those of you who know my wife and me and our (three-soon-to-be-four) children, it's probably not too much of a stretch to imagine why there are things about Sarah Palin which resonate with us deeply.  First of all, she is a mother of five and we of course really appreciate large families.  Secondly, she can shoot, kill and field dress a moose without ever compromising her womanly femininity.   This quality is one of the very first which drew me to my wife Charity! (see the post below).  Thirdly, she has far too little experience to qualify for an elected position in the executive branch of our federal government in the currently popular sense of "qualified".  But I love the idea of a woman who was very recently a mayor of a smaller town being catapulted by circumstances unforeseen into a position as weighty as the vice presidency. 

We are after all a Republic.  So if I remember correctly from Mr. Gibson's 9th grade Civics Class at good ol' Greenville High School, the whole point of a republic is that normal men and women in order to serve their nation, take time out of their regular vocations to go and represent the interests of the people in government for a time.  When that time has ended, another election is held and the power to represent the people is redistributed based on the will of the voters.  The "politician" then returns to his or her prior vocation and continues life more or less as usual.  I really like that idea.  And while I know that occupying an office in the executive branch is a serious and weighty calling, requiring a great deal of skill, insight, integrity, and wisdom, I also believe that there are many people in various walks of life who have the skills, insight, integrity, and wisdom to serve adequately in the role of vice-president or even president.  I'll stop short of suggesting Palin is one of those people, because I simply don't know.  But I'm not in agreement with the line of thinking that says "oh this person hasn't been in politics long enough to have the necessary experience".  In fact, I kind of think that's the way it's suppose to be.  

Dear President Bush & Congress, Instead of a 750 billion dollar bail out for banks...

How about a 749 billion dollar bail out for banks and a 1 billion dollar bail out for the homeless, or for urban public schools, or  for aids or autism research?  I mean only if you have a billion to spare, of course. 

With all due respect to the governor of Alaska...

...my girl was a bible-thumpin, prolife, gun totin', baby havin' evanglelical multi-tasker before bible-thumpin, prolife, gun totin', baby havin' evangelical, multi-tasking was cool.  

Update on Sam

Sam has now had three weeks of treatment and so far he seems to be responding ok. Before the treatment began Sam would not walk up the stairs himself at all. He would either wait to be carried or would just not go up to his room. Since his treatment began we've been keeping track of the number of times he goes up the stairs on his own and at his own initiation. That number has been steadily increasing week by week, which is encouraging. Even now, when he does climb the stairs, it is a whole body effort for him. Both hands holding the railing and pulling as hard as he can while his legs do all they can do to lift his body. And I think they really don't know if the perceived improvement is due to increased energy level or due to the medication actually minimizing the affects of the active disease on his muscles. Still a very frustrating process with so many questions and so few answers. But it is something. Something is happening. And that's good.

kickin' it old school

Hope. Sort of.

Twenty-one year old Cejudo wins gold.

"I was born and raised in the U.S. and I don't forget that. As much as I love Mexican heritage, I'm American first and foremost. The U.S. is a land of opportunity and you choose your own path." - Henry Cejudo

This son of Mexican illegals won the gold for the USA in men's freestyle, today. He's an amazing athlete with an amazing story. Wednesday brings two more opportunities for the US to medal in freestyle wrestling when Doug Schwab (former Iowa Hawkeye) and Ben Askren (former Missouri Tiger) compete in Beijing. Schwabb and Askren present an interesting study of stylistic differences in thier sport.

Schwab is relatively typical of Brands/Gable/Hawkeye trained wrestlers, who tend to prefer a straight ahead, aggressive (nearly abusive) style of competing. Europeans hate it. I love it. Askren on the otherhand is known for his unorthdox approach to the sport. He does things you aren't suppose to do, and violates fundamental principles. One might think that Askren's style is that of a natural whose athleticism rewards scrambling and improvisation. This however is not the case. Askren consciously developed this radical style after entering college and realizing that his modest athleticism left him virtually unable to keep up at the division one level of NCAA wrestling. Necessity is the mother of invention, so Askren reinvented himself leading to a couple of NCAA titles and a spot on the Olympic team. If you catch any of his matches on tv or the internet, expect the unexpected.

Does China Permit Freedom of Religion?

Dear International Olympic Committee,

Now that Michael Phelps has achieved the unbelievable, winning a buh-zillion gold medals and shattering multiple world records, it would seem he has no where else to go in the sport of swimming.  There's no one else to beat.  No more records to shatter, for this guy and he's only 23.  So here's what I propose.  If Phelps wants to keep competing in swimming, that's fine but there are some stipulations which now must be imposed.  

1.  First, no more super-fast, high-tech, rubberized swimming suit.  From now on he competes in overalls, snow boots and a carhart jacket.  

2.  Second, enough with the World Records.  From now on he's only allowed to set Other-World records.  As soon as NASA confirms the presence of liquid water on Mars, our first priority should be to get Phelps to the red planet by any means necessary.  

3.  Third, he has nothing to prove by continuing to race people.  We all know Phelps is faster than all other people.  Now the other lanes of the pool will be occupied by sharks.   (Chum may be utilized according to the discretion of the host nation).  

4.  Fourth, it may be that Phelps has simply exhausted the limitations of "water" as an athletic medium.  Should the previous three stipulations fail to provide him with a competitive challenge, Michael will henceforth be required to compete in swimming pools filled with alternative substances.  For instance foam packaging pellets, dead batteries, or quarters.  

Latest Dr's Report on Sam...

Sam's Rheumatologist called tonight with the MRI results. They saw a lot of increased edema in the muscles which is what they expected to see. There is no way at this point to tell what muscle is recoverable and what muscle is not recoverable. The doctor rates the severity of Sam's disease as an 8.5 on a 1-10 scale. Severity does not necessarily suggest anything about the long term prognosis or about the liklihood of a good response to treatment. She also said while some kids respond quickly to treatment, we shouldn't get too discouraged if we don't see signs of improvement in Sam for a couple of months. Charity asked her if he would be able to play sports in highschool. She said, "He won't be an olympic athlete" which seems to me to suggest that she anticipates long term, unrecoverable damage of the sort that would cause some permanent physical limitations. (So I guess your records are safe for now, Phelps).

Every new bit of news we recieve - each test result and phone call- seems to dim the lights a little lower and take a bit more wind out of my sails.

__________________

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan his work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

-from William Cowper's God Moves in a Mysterious Way

from the mouths of babes...

One of the side effects of Sam's medication is pretty extreme moodiness. Think of a four year old with roid-rage. That's basically what he's going through. He's happy, sweet, loving, angry, sad, grumpy and happy again- all in a matter of minutes. As hard as it is to watch him go through the emotional turmoil all this brings, there have been some good quotes which have come out of it. These are all things Sam has said in just the last few days, each of which I find interesting for various reasons. I'll do them in order of my favorite:

5. Mommy, I love that baby in your belly.
4. Mommy, I love you just because there's a baby in your belly.

* These two quotes bring joy to our hearts! He really is such a sweet kid who has always gone out of his way to give affection. Already he loves his little sibling, and loves his mother for carrying the child. 

3. Can me and Jack punch each other?

* This question was asked in all seriousness and with complete calmness and sincerity. I had brought home the game Rock em Sock em Robots for the boys to play together- thinking it might help dispel some boyhood aggression. Jack & Sam were very impressed with the game. I mean, Robots that Punch each other until their heads pop off? Come on. That's Awesome. But Sam of course, (feeling grumpy at the time) wanted to know if he and his big brother could slug it out for real. At least he asked first. 

2. I want to be mean to somebody.

*This confession was offered up recently (I think it was at the dinner table). There was no context. No conflict. No yelling or crying. Just a calm, rational expression of his desire to inflict bodily harm on another human being. To which I confessed feeling the exact same desire and explained that's why daddy does Jiu Jitsu twice a week. Then I told him that if he wants, when he's older he can learn boxing, or wrestling or jiu-jitsu if he'd like. Because those are sports where it's okay to be "mean" to somebody. He was satisfied with that. (And as they say in my jiu jitsu gym after teaching a particularly painful maneuver- "It's not mean. It's jiu Jitsu.") 

1. I'm sad because of grown ups.

* This was at the hospital immediately after receiving medication in the most uncomfortable manner possible. (Think "going in the out door"). He burst into tears and was crying like his heart was broken. We were trying to figure out what was upsetting him, as it's not suppose to be a painful procedure. And he finally offered up between sobs "I'm sad because of grown ups!" Yes indeed, little buddy. 

[Also, Sam gave me a couple of good ideas for the working title of my memoirs, which are to be published posthumously. "Sad Because of Grown Ups" or "Can We Punch Each Other?" Both of these will work,  I suppose. Maybe I'll let my Estate determine the final title.]

Three in a Million

Last night I got out the kids' expandable, spring loaded tunnel fort and set it up on the dining room table.  It's blue.  And looks like an owl.  Which is hard to imagine if you've not actually seen it, because owls are neither blue nor tunnel shaped, and are (almost never) spring loaded.   Picking up our , blue-eyed boy I slid him head first into the fabric cylinder.  Legs straight, arms at sides, body still but eyes darting.  He listened to the clunks, bonks, and bleeps fuzzing out of the speakers of our emac.  At four or five years old, it's an ancient machine when measured by the standards of an industry that survives by way of planned obsolescence.  We hope it survives a little longer.  It holds all of our photos.  Which are really just 1's and 0's.  But to us they are memories.  It's always hard to imagine that it's just 1's and 0's when you're looking at the photos.  There's one of Charity holding our newborn daughter on her first day home from the hospital.  They both look so tired.  Being born, giving birth.  Such hard work.  

For over a year our middle child Sam has exhibited a strange rash on his fingers, knees, elbows, toes and face.  Multiple trips to our pediatrician yielded little in the way of a solution.  Initial diagnosis was eczema.  The treatments didn't seem to help.  Soon thereafter it seems Sam began to grow weaker physically.  It wasn't too apparent at first, but in hindsight we can see it. Eventually the problem became undeniable, especially when we observed him playing with other children his own age, and as we watched his little sister grow and develop and play.  At first the doctor suspected muscular dystrophy.  We were elated when the test results came back negative.  

Now it seems we have a diagnosis.  Juvenile Dermatomyostis.  It is a three in a million disease. The good news is that most children respond well to the treatments and the disease can usually be sent into remission.  Sometimes it never comes back.  It is a very serious disease however.  In the 1960's the mortality rate for JDM was 30%.  In the 1970's that rate dropped to 10% as better treatment strategies were developed.  Today the number is fortunately down around 1%.

"Almost never fatal"  It's one of those sentences that jumps off the page and grabs you round the neck.  It's good news, right?  It's good news that the disease your son has is "almost never" fatal.  1%.  That's one in a hundred.  How can you not be encouraged by odds like that?  Paint a penny blue.  Put it in a jar with 99 others.  Close your eyes and pick one.  Who wouldn't take those odds?  

After several seconds, I slid Sam out of the big, blue owl.  (No chords to cut this time).  We talked about it.  "Now that's sort of what it will be like.  We can practice again if you'd like.  And remember, Daddy will be right there beside you the whole time, ready for when you come out". So later today Charity and I are taking Sam back to the hospital for an MRI.  Because we're expecting again, Charity can't be in the room with him, so I'm going to do it.  I can't imagine having an MRI at just four-years old (old for a computer, young for a boy).  Hopefully our practice round last night on the dining room table will take the edge off of the fear.  I don't know how to calculate the odds on something like that.     

don't call it a comeback...

After much time, I've decided to resurrect the old blog with a new focus and a new commitment and a new header. Stay tuned.